Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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