I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
