she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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