I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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