omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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