She's JV to your varsity
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
