Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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