I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
