I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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