I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
