he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
