He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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