he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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