She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
