Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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