I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
