he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
