dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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