TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
