I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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