I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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