2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He felt like a one man threesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
