My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
