I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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