mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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