do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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