i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
