Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
