shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
