I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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