I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
