I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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