he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
