You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
