His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
