last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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