When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
