Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
please come you make the beer taste better
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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