you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
