Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
