is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
