dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
