i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
