Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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