Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
