I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
smell my finger.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
