remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
