Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
