HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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