i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize