I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
