My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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