ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
