things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
