theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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