next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
