Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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