Just fell off a train. Bad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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