There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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