allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
