i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize