I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
