Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His hands were made for my vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
