My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
