So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
