Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
