After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
