So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
