I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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