so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
