dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
