I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
